i pretty much failed to suck up my feelings tonight.
i was feeling pretty good the whole day, until i came to a sudden realization that i wasnt good enough, that i got kicked out, sort of, somehow.
went for dinner today with a family who will be migrating to America soon. we talked a lot about courses offered worldwide. before that, after struggling for weeks, i finally made my decision to take up businees already, and suddenly everything just went *poof* ! i know business can bring me to a better position in life with stable jobs and salaries, BUT PLEASE TELL ME WHICH PART OF ME LOOKS LIKE A BUSINESS WOMAN TO YOU?!
i've went for consultations already and i still dont have a secure answer on what i would like to study YET! my whole life, ive never thought of studying business! if you ask me, i really want to study either MUSIC, FASHION, PHOTOGRAPHY, HOTEL AND TOURISM MANAGEMENT, EVENT MANAGEMENT, so basically arts. i think God has a purpose for creating me with creative art skills, but too bad i dont think my parents even appreciate it.
do you know how it feels like to have business minded parents? what they think only is MONEY MONEY and more MONEY! seriously i have zero interest in business! to satisfy them i choose sthing similar/ related to business and sthing i like - PR and MARKETING, mass comm! they dont know i dont like it but to please them i have to choose this! i know because everything i choose they'll have to comment! i dont dare to tell them i would love to study fashion, photography/ even event management because to them i have no future studying these! they think its a waste of time and money ..
since young i have to depend on them. if you dont know, i was supposed to enter CHS, but then after my mom heard " advices " from my tuition teacher, she decided to send me to SA. i dont think my parents know how much i suffered there! i never liked that school .. she dont know how much i suffered but i have to endure because its her choise and it was part of Gods plan as well.
now i have to choose between sthing i like and sthing my parents like! sthing i like cant bring me anywhere or earn me anything whereas sthing i dont like which can earn me a living!
when my parents friend told them about people she know whos famous and earning well, they listened as if it hit their heart, but it was nothing .. those who studied arts can earn well too!
they have to decide everything .. so i'll let it be! they can decide whatever they like, i care less about it anymore!
im living as if its their life.
and i thought it was my life, i have a chance to hold some major decisions in my life, end up being wrong ..
#nowplaying everlasting God - New Life worship.
the most common question asked, " is God the only way? "
it is written in the bible, He is the way, the truth and the light. Whoever believes in him shall have eternal life and not perish.
we as humans, live on earth. earth, being considered as our temporary homes. we are in this world, but not of this world. everything we have on earth, in the end wont be able to be brought with us to heaven or even hell. on earth, wealth, health, treasures wont be brought with you, all these are just temporary goods, which provides temporary happiness and joy to humans.
i tell you the truth, God's the only way to heaven. the only way is to believe.
claiming yourself to be a christian, but not going to church, not serving, not growing in the holy spirit? going to church doesnt make you a christian. Standing for what you truly believe in, not being afraid of facing persecutions, growing your spiritual life, this is what being a true christian really means.
the only fear christians face is persecutions. when you face persecutions, are you still willing to stand firm and hold onto what you truly believe? when people ask you why did you choose to be a christian? what would you answer? " oh because my parents are " ? or " i was forced to, so i did " ? " oh i didnt know, the pastor told me to say some sinners prayer, and i did, and voila, i am one now " ?
this is what i will say : " i believe in what i stand for. My god is almighty and i experienced him own my own. I believe he's real. I can hear him talk to me. He answers my prayers. He grants me peace whenever im in fear. He protects and covers me and my family from danger. He's my hope. He's the everlasting God, same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I believe in him cause he sacrificed his one and only son Jesus to die suffer, persecuted, tortured and died on the cross, and ressurected 3 days later! "
what bout you? :)
Have you ever thought why.. if there's really a God who's almighty, who loves us so much, who can stop all miseries, why are we still facing sufferings?
If he loved us so, why must he see us suffer? why must he see us normal humans bearing such pain?! HAVE YOU EVER WONDER WHY WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH PAINS WHICH ARE UNBEARABLE, and while we suffer, our good God only watches?
if only you read the bible, you'll understand why.
i had a great time at LG yesterday night, everything went well. first we had a short sharing from each of us on ' a past event, a bad one, which made you remember and be aware of it, and not to repeat it again. ' many different stories were told! and indeed i was amazed :') , then P&W led by Richie and Billy - the yii brothers hehehe, then sharing by teongseng!
i enjoyed the sharing the most. Bill shared a story, about this movie name KNOWING. i wanna watch it after my spm. It has a stupid ending, but uhh k. We learnt that, in all things, God has a purpose, we're not in this world by coincidence. In everything we do, God has a purpose for us :)
We, can never blame God and question God. Well, who are we to do so? Conclusion, God allows suffering, firstly, so that His name will be glorified and be known throughout the world. Secondly, so that the world may come to know Him.
Then soe kian shared something with us, a really good and touching story.
There's this brother from our church who's suffering from cancer, leukemia. Despite having to go through chemotherapy which is really torturing, imagine having yourself inject with millions of needles for hours, God the pain, just unbearable. He persevere. He still comes to church. He's a young Christian. But he stands for what he believes in. He went for counseling before going for his last chemotherapy. The consellor told him this is his last chance, after this last one, it's either he get healed or he'll continue suffering from this death causing sickness! And he told the doctor he's gonna go for it! So he told 3 leaders of out student group what the counselor told him, that he only have a 50 50 chance, and he's gonna go for it! When asked why he answered this :" out of the hundreds of leukemia patients, I'm the first who gets to go for this operation, so I'm gonna go for it! I believe God has a purpose and he gave me this chance, so I'm gonna treasure it! But when I recovered, can I requests a big birthday party?" of cause the 3 of them answered :" um, YES OF CAUSE, it's easy, we can plan one for you, no problem!" and he replied :" and the second requests, when I recovered, I'm gonna stand infront everyone to testify Godd goodness, and how he has healed me!"
The faith he has, to over see himself being cured even before going for the operation really touched me. How can anyone do such a thing? He's not even healed, haven't even went through the operation yet, but yet forsees he had been healed and totally free from leukemia!
Another story.
This jr. Pastor whos wife just gave birth. And so the doctor told him :" I'm sorry, but your child is down with down syndrome. " immediately his heart fell! Questioning God why? Why does this happen to him. He went and look for his sr. Pastor, and the pastor showed him a verse from the bible :" in all things, praise him!" he read and read and read the verse a few times and he understood. It's Gods will to grant him with a down syndrome child, what has been done has already been done, there's no turning back. And so he went to the hospital and meet the wife. His wife was crying, asking why won't the nurse show her her own child. The jr. Pastor told her :" we've been blessed with a down syndrome child, it's Gods will." she cried and of cause questioned God why. And the jr pastor again showed her the verse in the bible. She read, and made a call to her mother. There's this one nurse who hated Christians. Who wanted to see Christians suffer. And she heard the conversation between the pastors wife and her mother. She told her mother :" we've been blessed by God with a down syndrome child, and it's Gods will." that week 70 doctors and nurses came to the church the jr pastor was and 30 of them accepted christ and came to know God! Can you imagine just because of this one down syndrome kid, 30 lives were saved?!
Ponder upon thing happening on this earth, all the sufferings faced by the world, it all concludes with this, God still loves us, no matter what, he has a purpose, and it's yet to be revealed :)
Many things hit through my mind today, really a lot.
Firstly, I went googling for colleges. Why? I mean I can do that after spm, I still have time. But one sentence said by my leader really hit & woke me up. She asked : " if you have a choice to go back to the pass, to stay in the present & to travel to the future, which would you choose? " I answered : " of cause I would love to go back to my past, my primary times, where I had so much fun, memories, joy .. " and someone else answered this, and he was the only one who wished to stay in the present. He said this : " there's no way you can go back to your pass, or even find a possible way go travel to your future, I rather stay in the present and cherish every single moment I have. " God, what was I thinking. I felt stupid to think of going back to the pass! It's true, there's no way I can go back, why don't I cherish everything I have now and move on without regrets? This really hit me hard. Another sentence said " you only have one chain in life, you either live it to your fullest of let if go pass you with regrets. You only have one shot for everything, one shot for pmr, one shot for spm, after you sit for it, there's no way you can go back regretting what you've done. You either give your best now, study all you can and give yur best shot, and when you gave your every hardwork on that paper, and end it with a good feeling, so undescribable. " it's so true, what have I been doing? I really need to stay focus! It's just another short 2 months! I can do this! There's no way I would wanna disappoint my parents, teachers & school, friends and most of all myself!
Secondly, today's service really hit me too. A video clip of things happening in this earth was shown. As I watch people in the video suffering, getting hurt, crying, god, I was holding back my tears. I am here, living well, when things as such are happening. The earth is dying! People suffering from wars, from diseases, from cruelty, from famine. I'm living here, with shelter, with education, with food, and others are out there suffering. My heart goes out to them. I really wanna help. what can I do? I'm just a little person, what I can do might not be enough. But I wanna try. I really wanna go out and help & change the world. It might seem to be impossible, but I really hope what I can do, even if it's not much, I really wanna go out doing volunteery work, feeding the poor, those in hunger, help those in sickness. " in suffering as such, does God really cares? If he does, why isn't he helping? " questions as such arises, but we all do know the answe, he does care. In fact, how his heart aches seeing his people suffer. Why God let suffering happen? Why does he want to see us suffer? It's not him who caused this to happen. Let's see, suffering can be caused by mankind. Wars, isn't it mankind who started this in the first place? Hunger, I believe there's enough food for every single soul in this world, but why, selfish humans! Abortion? Throwing babies & foetuses? Seriously, what's wrong with the world? Arent we all the cause of why these things happen? Think, before you do anything.
As these few things hit me today, it really opened my eyes towered things. Am I living the way God wants me to live? Am I living according to the will of the world instead of Gods? Why am I being materialistic when I know all these will be taken away from me? Why am I still standing here stagnant? Why am I not helping the needy? Why am I not appreciating things I have? WHY. WHY. WHY.
I'm still in the journey of solving these WHYs I'm facing. I pray God'll open my eyes towards things. Amen.
Goodnight.
#nowplaying Jaeson Ma - Glory.
it was said, to achieve something, you have to dream big.
In everything im yet to do, I pray to God for direction. Whatever I do, isnt for my own benefit, but for the glory of the Lord. I dont want to do wordly things.
4 more months till the end of 2011'.
In the beginning of this year, I wrote down things I wish to see myself achieve. 4 more months to achieve it!
These are a list of things I aim to be completed by end of december! :D
! Finish reading the bible. i think i have like 20 over books to finish.
! Go for missionary work. Really want to travel to other poor countries to help out, explore as well as sharing the good word.
! Help out in the church ministry. Really want to see more and more youths joining as well as the student group multiplying.
! Continue my journal. Finished journal on the book of matthew, still got 2 more books i guess?
! Clean my room. Throw all unnessecary stuffs and books.
! Get more piano scores & learn how to play.
! Have christmas open house YAY.
! Outing with ZZ, Yuen Teng.
! Outing with D*starz, KARAOKE! :D self reminder: bring earplugs.
! Improving my photography skills, time to learn some new skills, snap pictures which bring memories.
! LOTS AND LOTS OF OUTING.
! improving praying skills. should do a journal.
! wanna go singapore youth camp.
! Grow taller. saddest part of my life, being short.
! Find a good course and a good college to enroll.
HELLO! im' back here again, im so bored :O
so yeah, im gonna write something hehehhe. D*starz&D*starz junior had auditions last thurday, so i was asked to gave a short speech, HAH! but it was too sudden and everyone was staring at me with those O.O eyes, so im gonna write it here! :D
ONCE UPON A TIME .. A NERD ..
lol kidding k k.
Cheer had really changed my life. well if you see my in school im just an ordinary student. i know i look like nerd k -_- but yeah. the only thing i can say is, high school is the time you should really enjoy, every single second, minute and hour.
WELL, WITH OUR COACHES, so garang lol :p kidding* you'll get lots of lots of scoldings! expect it k! but i can assure you that every single scolding you are about to get will be for your very own good, as well for the team! :-D
you'll get a lot of " long speeches " from the teachers and coaches. HAHAHHA!
remember girls, all of you train for one aim - for champion in nationals! show you parents what you've been training for thse months. they've paid a lot indeed fr coaching, gym and for the uniform. remember all of you are trained to be champion material. though there are times during practices where you have the urge to give up, remember never give up! no matter what stick it up! :D you can never give up, or your whole team will end up being dissapointed, and never cheat on strengthwork k! want nice abs like jennys, go do your strengthwork! :B
after your hardwork paid off, go party! :D
okay, ive been crapping a lot. conclusion now.
wow, i cant believe it, it's all over, OVER, O-V-E-R.
months of practices ended just like that. wow. many things happened during this 7 months of practice, times flies so fast, it felt like weeks.
after joining the team this year, i never regretted anything. the team faced problems, and i think my teammates were problematic ( lol, whoops ___ :p ) but everything changed. now, me and my teammates are closer than anything else. we talked a lot and we even know each others private stuffs :p
D*STARZ improved so much. so much.
oh btw, D*STARZ are nationals top 8! it was impossible to even get top 10 with our standard this year. but each of us took up the challenge to do our best, and give our every drop of sweat and tears for the team. we worked so hard, did so much strengthwork. oh look, where we are now :") it's my last year, i didnt want to see us de-proved from what we were last year. i tried my best to work behind the team, text my flyer everynight, ask her to stretch .___. it's my last year, and i want to do all i could for the team (:
frankly speaking, i was quite dissapointed with my team at first, i really dont understand why. but i regretted thinking that way now. im sorry d*starz, i love you people really much, you guys are like my second family. last years team were'nt close, i mean as close as this years. we're really like a big family, more like sisters, really (:
from National Youth Day, we got 6th --> Charm Cheerleading Championship (C3) , we got 4th --> Cheer Nationals 2011' , we got 8th! :D
coach always tell the team, do it for wenli, it's her last year. well, i can say this, my team didnt do it for me, well maybe they did, but they too, did it for the teachers, our coaches, our parents who paid money every month for our coaching and gym fees, as well for all the scolding we got from them, we did it to prove to those who kutuk us and didnt believe in us, to those who didnt like cheerleading. we did it, and we proved to these people during nationals, we're not just a bunch of LA-LA ( thats what ppl define cheerleaders -.- ) CHEERLEADERS, but we are a team with 16 members, strong, and we gave everything could for the best of the team. those who kutuk'ed us, and didnt believe in us, HAH, IN YOUR FACE! :p
we went up to the blue mat, gave our best, cause what coach told us was : " you spend months to practice for your 2 min and 30 secs routine, its just 150 sec, for the tons of hours you've practice, you do not wanna waste a single second of your routine, give your best! then you can rest after that. " so true, our parents paid so much, and we practiced so much. 6 hours of school, then 3 hours of practice, then tuition, omg, you know how tiring is this?! we went up to the blue mat, gave our best in our single second! (: i left the mat without any regrets, too happy, tears of joy (": WHO SAY WEN LI NEVER CRY?! I JUST DONT WANNA CRY INFRONT OF YOU PPLE, SO MEMALUKAN -_____- , hahahhahaha but i do cry when im happy, just you guys dont see it hhahahahhaha :p
this year's a really memorable one for me, i enjoyed so much. sigh, it's my turn to retire. i will miss all 18 of you monkeys, all the pep talks, motivational talks, lunch breaks together, scolding from coaches, practices together (":
im sorry if i ever offended anyone in the team k, i love you people so much, you guys are like my sister ( even better coughs coughs* ) . i really hope when i come back next year, dont kick me out k :p i really hope our friendship will last till the end of our lives. i'll never ever forget all our memories together!
thank you for all the memories you guys gave me, it's my last year, and im proud to say this " D*STARZ #! , and im really proud of each and everyone of you! " bye d*starz 2011'. next year will never be the same as this years, but i pray that whoever is leading the team, God you'll grant them wisdom to lead these * monkeys * , grant them a sacrifitial heart, a soft heart to not anger easily. BYE ("""":
PICTURES! (: more on facebook!
D*STARZ BEST MAKEUP. TWO YEARS IN A ROW BABY! :D HAH. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ELICIA, MY FRIEND, FOR HELPING US THESE TWO YEARS! LOVE YOU SO MUCH LETS GO PARTY ONE DAY :P oh to those who were wondering, why were these bunch of monkeys screaming and jumping when they were annouced best make up like they won champion for nationals. lol. we were grateful, even we knew best make up is no biggie, but we were proud of ourselves too (": its just an act of joy.
D*STARZ HAVING DESSERTS AT TUTTI FRUTTI! (:
HAPPY CHILDREN! (:
D*STARZ 2011' !
a song for you guys to listen to, a very meaningful song (:
this week have been a very good week to me. starting of with school, i've been missing many classes, but thank God, i managed everything well, i understand the syllabus ( i feel like eating popcorn, lol suddenly -.- ) yeah, continue, then with cheer, D*STARZ have been improving tremendously, im shocked! i was really scared how everything will go at the beginning of the year, and how everything has changed. thanks god, putri's not that blurr anymore, well she still is :p but at least she got the whole routine in her mind like her daily routine so claps*! tuition went well, physics and addmaths, not bad (:
i went for the launching of 24/7 prayer watch. for those who dont know what this is. we'll be praying for 24 hours a day, 7 days continuously. like what God say, prayer is powerful, we have to pray to see breakthrough. prayed for 3 hours for that 2 days! really felt refreshed, all we did was praying in tongues for our churches, leaders, members. and while i was praying i saw sthing -
a nail pierced hand. what is the first thing that comes into yr mind when i say nail pierced hand? i have this picture of a hand with a nail pierced right into the centre of the palm, of cause there was blood. but i believe what God's trying to show me is Hid goodness. what He did. He sent his only and only begotten son Jesus to die for us, and to sacrifice himself for us humans, to be cleanse by the precious blood of the lamb, and be free from sins. he much pain he suffered, being tortured, torns on his heads, beaten up, and look at the size of the nail which has been pierced into the palms of His hands. i wanted to google the picture, but i think i will throw up looking at the size of the nail piercing through the palms, so forget it :p
but i really pray that each and everyone of you will repent. dont be a dry christian, instead pray and let God fill you from within (:
amen.
i've read my captains blog posts she wrote for us, and indeed im so touched.
HI LISSA,
i respect you so much as my captain ( well, next to aisha firzana :p ) , but i respect you for every single thing you've done and sacrificed for the team. well of cause to karyna too! both of you are younger than me, but you guys handle 16 monkeys so well. every single effort, tears, sweat, scoldings and sleepless nights will soon pay off k (: we'll promise to work as a team and make you both proud <3 i know how stress you feel. you'll be sitting for your major this year, like me :p but i believe you'll do your best like how you cheer'ed hard. i wish you all the best!
cheer 11 has been postponed due to the bersih rally. i think its good for us to bersihkan our routine too :p eventhough it turned out to be quite a shocking news, but i believe teams are taking this opportunity to train harder to get higher skills and make cheer 11 a memorable one. i see spikes and bow and arrows, double downs from lib ext :O we'll make cheer 11 history though its a one day event. we'll get to see tougher skills, and we've improved so much, judges are proud to see us improving though there's a lot of boundaries set for us to achieve tougher skills ( dangerous also X_X )
so C3 is coming first which is 2 weeks from now, so we've better work hard! :D
one thing im so happy about is, i see D*STARZ is really improving. last years team was really strong. and when 3/4 of the team left this year, we started training newbies. 3 of our flyers were new. we've faced so many circumstances this year. we fall so much that sometimes we felt like giving up we didnt want to get back up. we've never felt this weak before. training flyers who doesnt lock, who gives up halfway, whos parents ban them in the middle for small reasons, who gets injured, who doesnt do strengthworks, who doesnt come for practices consistently. i know my captains are stressed, they get scolded from my coaches and teachers too. i cannot imagine myself being in their shoes, their situation, i might just break down and cry.
but everything changed. we've improved so much, every stunts went up, flyers lock and stick their stunts. though we have much to improved and clean, but i believe we've improved so much and we're ready to hit everything on the mat and show off our routine. we'll do our best cause we only have one shot, one chance this year. no time for failures! all of us know how important this is to us. 5 months before was tough for us, but now we're ready than ever! :D
to my dearest flyer Putri,
you've just joined us this year, you're the youngest in the team. you came in scared and lost i can see that. but now, you've improved so much! :D ( pls give me yr spike-h OKAY, and SCOPIANZZZZZZ lol ) YOU IMPROVED SO MUCH I JUST WANNA HUG AND KISS YOU FOR THAT! :p i believe you'll do great during competition cause you're competitive, you do so well infront of our competitors -.- so show off lah you HAHAHAHAH xD
and Demi too, you're so cute, you never show any expression, you're so emotionless :p and so cute! BOTH OF YOU LOOKS SO CUTE WHEN YOU GUYS SMILE K, i mean all the 4 flyers :) so pretty can cry huhuhuhu :"''''') love you guys to bits! <3
okay enough for the long posts, saya nak cari saya punya voucher pizza kerana saya nak pergi makan pizza nanti BYES! ^^v
im blogging again. kinda bored here since i dont really plan to start revising for trials yet :p
trials are like in september, looooooonnnnnnnnnggggggg way to go, so i might as well CHILL for a while!
this coming 3 weeks will be super busy for me. i've exams, tests, classes, competitions and many more to come. i really expect high from myself. i cannot fail, and i never fail. i'll give all my best to do sthing ( sthing meaningful and worth it -.- ) i still have to balance up everything (:
service was good yesterday! i miss service! i've been busy with camps and competitions i missed so many services, and i dislike it :(
i love going to church, its like my home since young. and yesterday's topic was good!
DOES MONEY REALLY MATTER IN LIFE?
i really admire bill gates. he's listed as the richest man on earth with whoops, i forgotten how many billions, but yeah, and he gave 1/3 of his property to the poor. he visited poor countries such as india, africa and many more. what he has, he used to bless others. and because of that, he lost his title as ' worlds riches man '. seriously, with the amount of money you have, you think you can finish it all up? when you die, you cannot bring anything with you ..
it's really foolish. why dont you give it to the poor? do sthing good with it? instead of leaving it all to yourself. it's called selfish.
money causes many things. it causes people to fight, to cry, to die, to sin and many more.
- a kid in china sold his kidney for an ipad2 ?!
- a girl trade virginity for iphone4 ?!
WHAT NON SENSE. the truth is people in this world are getting more and more materialistic. and in fact, i dont see why having these goods can make your life better? a nurse who worked in a hospital for a long time wrote this on his journal " the most common thing people regretted on their dying bed is this - i've spend my life working too hard for money, and i regretted not spending time with my loved one "
money is not everything. it cannot buy you happiness, live your life fully with your loved ones, enjoy every single second of your life, peace! ^^V
